40 days!

Okay so I have renewed my vigor for attempting to not be the fat, out of shape, less than attractive one when we get out to Cali. Right now i am SOOOOOOOOORE, but it is a love sore for two reasons. 1 I just enjoy being sore and 2 (drum roll please) It is really my moms and she already told me I could not HAVE it but you really can't keep lovers apart you know.

Last week Mom and I went out for dinner and some errand running. While we were out for dinner we had a chance to share some anxious feelings (or at least I did). During dinner I just verbal vomited about nerves, fears, anxiety, qualms - you name it! While reassuring me she said 'have you made a binder yet?"

TIME OUT!

Have I made a binder yet? I ms education major? I miss office supply freak?I miss binder lover? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! During my fear tantrem I had completely neglected to get my ducks in a row! I have promptly lined the fella's up and bound them! I have organized my lists for packing, for purchasing and for planning. I have started collecting information on things to do while I'm in town. This part of the book is still a little nerve wracking because I'm not quite sure how it will work out or what to do. I know i want to camp, and see a few different places but idk about available time or really where I'll end up and I definitely am seeing an insufficient funds problem, but I have a binder.

Any suggestions on where I shall go?

Also the fall is making me really sad about a few various things. Iowa has been incredibly beautiful this august...unforuntately that means corn is low garden is not so hot and fall is already in the air! I've enjoyed the weather but its also brought almost all my friends going back to school, or too school (as students or as teachers) and I am just slaving away at the shop. I miss school :( I also miss college. I'm seeing albums on facebook of mud slides and football games and house parties and lazy days laying around in dorms. Statuses are about tests and classes and dorms and RAs and roomates and plans..I MISS IT!!!! I also got hit with another wave of nostalgia today when I realized that pretty much everyone I met my freshmen year of college is a senior this year and Ive already had it. They're all excited about how awesome it will be and graduation and I missed it. I'm not really even that close with these people anymore. I feel the void in their party/weekend pictures but I know they dont.

Also, kt and I were walking around grays lake (working off some Taco Johns) on the bridge these girls just dropped trou, climbed over the railing and dove in. GROSS! Dirty water, SEWAGE water, FISH! Poop! who knows what else! AND they don't know how deep it is! but then I realized how jealous I am. They werent thinking about any of these things...they weren't being responsible or mature or cautious they were being adventurous, spontaneous and light hearted and I am so jealous!

I'm starting to feel, for the first time in my life, like I AM rushing through it. I am so driven that I just never slowed down. I did for a while, and that bit me in the arse and i just kept driving through. I am cautious, responsible and have been raised to always think of the consequences of my actions. Unfortunately, in my wanderlust, spontaneous soul i get sad.

I'm making it a goal (going in my binder!) to slow down, to be wild, to be crazy and to act like i'm 21! In a safe, non-jail time sort of way! It's going in the binder...and then its sacred! lol.

Cheers!